♥ Wednesday, August 24, 2005♥
Haiz.. Have got alot of things to think about now.. partly because of the job I have now.. thinking of should I anot.. *sob sob* .. since yesterday boss have talked to me about my work performance and the duties to do in future.. I think I have no wish to stay here longer cos boss said my job performance only at average.. and asked me to try again and judge my performance again.. well I have know what I will expect of my day coming since they day I started work here.. Cos i know i didn't give it my best to do my work.. even I got.. but well.. it not something which I can acheive at all.. neither things which I can prove to them I can do it de.. cos I find that they are not giving me any sense of work that I can do to prove either.. somehow the problems doesn't lie on me.. but it the management and company problem.. causing me to have problems too.. My comfirmation date also coming.. so have to make a fast decision whether I want to work hard and try again or.. Gonna hand in my letter to them.. and request them to let me go instead.. cos i knOw the longer I work here.. I don't find myself happy at all.. somemore lot of exams and schoolworks coming up making me more and more busier and tighter in my time schedule.. feeling so tired every now and then.. now onlY wish that I can stop work at the moment.. then study well for my exams on the Oct.. after that.. then concentrate well on my new job if I have found.. But I knOw once this decision is made.. It not gonna be easy for me next time.. maybe I have difficulties to find a good payout job.. all these I have already think of the consequenses.. but I just don't understand.. why must it be me..? everything work well for me.. except for my job.. haiz.. In the first place.. I shouldnt have make such a haste hassle to change new job.. somemore the worst thing is.. why am I working in this company?? I have told myself.. I won't want to come in this place at all.. but don't understand why I am here le..? being hit on the head.. *omg*.. haiz.. but if one day I gonna leave here.. I will miss the 2 kakis of mine, have been with me.. since I started out here.. together lunching, heart chatting and etc.. as well.. as Ting too.. cos..all these while she have been with me too.. going work and home together.. which hardly can 2 long time friend doing together.. cos we always working in different districts workplace.. seldom have the chance to go work, go home together.. and the most enjoyable thing is that.. whenever we like.. we just tell each other.. we want to go out.. anywhere always so near to both of us.. I miss these moments.. After some talks with my friends here..some asked me to stay.. some said.. if want to go.. act fast before I am comfirmed.. make me even more headache.. The Worst thing is.. Quarrelled with Raymond Lim because of this.. I really don't know how to talk to him.. really made my blood boils.. why other people can used gentle way of talking to me.. but not him.. he always thinking very negatives way and making me like even more frustrated talking to him.. I know he mean me good.. but then I just wondered.. whether he really understand what my planning.. But frankly speaking.. I don't know whether what I have done this time is right or wrong.. What I will face in future.. I also don't know.. Now the only main problem is about the Money $$ ... worry about my family too as it doesnt affect only myself.. but to them as well..just hate it.. why must I have to think so much for my own problem..? This time I am not being stubborn or in a moment of folly... it just that I feel that I don't have much time to wait.. but final decision is..I just thinking of leaving.. What there to stop me..? can anyone tell me..? So Sian.. Going to end of the day.. but I still hasnt had any ideas..
*~*BeaNie Diary*~*@ 11:44 AM
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